How to Have Sex in Hostels

Hostels are magical places. You meet new friends, explore new cultures, and save money. But let’s be real: they are also hotbeds of raging hormones. Put a bunch of young, attractive, free-spirited travelers in a building with cheap alcohol, and things are bound to happen.

But there’s a massive catch. Unlike the romantic movies where the couple retreats to a luxurious private suite, your reality is likely a squeaky bunk bed in a room with 11 other strangers who can hear a pin drop. The chemistry is there and the mood is right, but the logistics are an absolute nightmare.

So, before you navigate the minefield of dorm-room romance, you need a strategy. To ensure you don't become the most hated person in the building, here are the essential Do’s and Don’ts for having sex in a hostel.

DO head to the bathroom.

This is the perfect place to do the nasty. You can lock the door, and the sound of the shower makes for excellent noise cancellation and easy cleanup. It is much less likely that someone will walk in on you here than in a dorm room.

DON’T have sex in the common room.

After a long day of sightseeing, you don’t want to come back, sit down on the couch, and think, “Eww… why is this couch sticky?” Do us all a favor and head somewhere where you won’t leave a mark — at least not one people will sit in.

Try the closet where the hostel keeps cleaning supplies; no one will bother you there. I’ve walked in on people in the common room and just thought, “Gross.” Plus, people hang out, eat, and drink there all day. It’s probably not that clean to begin with.

DO head to the roof.

Tons of awesome hostels have rooftop terraces, and many are kept unlocked. No one is going to bother you (unless they get the same idea maybe “the more the merrier” is a philosophy you take with you?). You can bump uglies under the stars all night long. It will likely be the most romantic time you have in a hostel.

DON’T have sex on the top bunk.

You will shake the bed. It will creak. You will wake everyone up, especially your poor bunkmate underneath you. It is just rude there are other places to go. Don’t be that guy or girl!

DO drape sheets over your bed.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve seen sheets hanging over the bottom bunk in a dorm room. Couples think they are being coy, but we all know exactly what is going on behind the curtain. However, your dormmates will appreciate the visual barrier because no one wants to see your butt bouncing up and down like a teenager thinking his parents aren’t home.

DON’T have sex in the kitchen.

Seriously. I mean it. People eat there. The only white sauce I want on my pasta is made out of cheese. Hostel kitchens are usually dirty enough; there is no need to make them dirtier. Additionally, there are people in a kitchen 24 hours a day, so there is little chance of privacy. Think of it as the hostel’s champagne room: There is no sex in the champagne room.

DO wait until people go to bed.

If you wait until late at night, there is less of a chance that people will hear you. Okay, someone will probably hear you. They might even watch; you never know. But if you wait until your dormmates put in earplugs and fall into a comfy drunk sleep, the chances of waking someone are pretty low. Unless, of course, you’re a screamer. Then there is no hope.

DON’T do it in the evening.

This is the WORST time. People are coming in from a day of sightseeing, eating dinner, getting ready to go out, and posting pictures on Instagram. The hostel is bursting with life in the early evening. Unless you want to show people your bottom and possibly get kicked out in the process, wait a few hours until everyone goes out for the night.

DO get it on in the laundry room.

It will usually be empty, especially at night, so you’ll have your own private space. Put a few coins in the washing machine for some extra fun (and vibration).

DON’T do it in a small room.

If you are in a 24-person dorm, it is easier to get away with it. Most people aren’t going to realize who is doing what in a huge warehouse of beds. But in a small 6-bed dorm? People will figure it out immediately. You will keep them up, and you will make enemies.

DON’T have sex in the morning.

Everyone is getting up or sleeping off their hangovers. The last thing they want to hear is “Ohhh I’m almost there” or, more likely, “I usually last a little longer.” Waking people up by getting jiggy with it is a sure-fire way to leave a hostel with no friends.

DO get your own room!

I know you are traveling on a budget and a private room is expensive, but when two of you split the cost, it isn't so bad. You can easily search for deals on private rooms on sites like Hostelworld. For a few extra dollars a night, you and your lover can have complete privacy. You can do it until you are blue in the face without having to worry about getting caught.

DON’T forget to wear a condom.

Because photos and memories are the only things you want to bring home from your holiday.

The Bottom Line

If you are going to have sex in a hostel, make sure you do it the right way—without bothering the rest of the hostel. No one wants to see your ass. Be a courteous hostel guest